Macho Culture and Childless Women
I just read a public post from Jennifer Anniston about her not having children-. It makes me feel better to read her, as I experience this kind of nuisance on a regular basis. I understand that many cultures, such as Latin American or some Asian cultures, believe a woman is only complete when she is a mother and only "woman enough" if she wishes to be a mother.
Macho cultures, where women are equally responsible for the Macho attitude, not only make you believe you have to want to be a mother, because it's natural, its how it's supposed to be, but they also make you believe you're not fulfilling your duty as a good wife, daughter in law or simply as a good citizen.
I continuously get judged, together with my husband, because we take a conscious decision of being happy without children and above all without wanting any.
As if people around us project their own wishes and desires for children in their lives onto others, without even considering that you may feel uncomfortable.
The topic of having children is uncomfortable, because it is very personal. It equals to talking about my sex life, mental health issues in my family or any other sensitive topic I would not discuss openly with anybody who comes along.
The decision of having children is a 100% personal one, not only as a woman, but as a couple, and I don't understand why people feel to have the right of an opinion on this.
It's not that they would have an opinion on my sex life - and if they do they would certainly not share it with me.
So why sharing their opinion as of why I should have children?
It's not that we didn't think about it, not even that we haven't tried. We did! But it didn't happen and the more we thought about it, the less we didn't want children.
We are accused of being selfish because we're not paying our tribute to humanity. I must have missed the all too many orphans out there in need of parents; the over population, the lack of resources, the horrible state of our environment, let alone the political mess my parent's and grandparent's generation is leaving us.
Is there really a need for one child more? I mean honestly, besides my mother in law who pressures us for her sake and wish of having grandchildren, what other need is there for one?
Oh because they are so cute, and you won't be alone when you're old, and they will take care of you!
Essentially the reasons I should have a child is because:
- I can't stand to be alone
- I need an insurance and nurse when I'm old
- Humanity will die out
- I need a pet, a doll or any other living toy
- My mother in law is desperate for grandchildren
Wow, convincing reasons.
Have people ever considered that women and couples can be happy without children?
Children are not necessarily the ultimate factor of happiness. And above all they don't need to be a measure point for a successful marriage and the love for each other.
Taking a conscious decision of not having children is acknowledging your needs, desires and wishes, but also your limitations. It is not being selfish, it's called maturity.